we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
