where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
