We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
