last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
