jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
