So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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