Me too!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
