if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
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Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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