And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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