friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
