who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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