Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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