she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
