I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
