Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
