fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
