dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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