I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
