I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
