I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
