he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
