Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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