you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
