I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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