Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
