his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
