This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
