Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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