My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
