Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
