Will you blow on my dice?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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