you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
