Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
