think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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