It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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