He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
