so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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