Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
