So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
