Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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