Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
