I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
