he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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