peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
