if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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