I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
