Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just had sex on a roof
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
