You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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