This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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