my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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