Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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