hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
