Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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