there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
