I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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