if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
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i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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