My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
