Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
