Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
