i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
