I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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