this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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