That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
