I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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