Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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