So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We left an ass print on the piano.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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