I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
