I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
it was like eating out sand paper
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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