my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
