I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
