Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
