I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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