dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
