Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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