My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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