How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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