You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
