If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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