We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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